call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
