I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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