Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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