sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
