The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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