Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
