can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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