sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
