I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
