Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
