she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
