do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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