***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
