Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
