i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
