my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
