so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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