mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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