I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
