I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
