I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
