Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
