i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
