$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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