she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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