Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
