you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
