life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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