dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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