after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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