how can u be prego again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
