guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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