my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
