I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
