currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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