its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
