Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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