You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
