people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
