loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize