My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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