Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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