How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
