I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
