I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
