Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
