Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
