pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize