Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
