dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
