I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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