Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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