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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
