I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
