Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize