I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize