Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
