Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Walk of Shame today included voting.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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