positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Two words: nipple clamps
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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