I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
