every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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