Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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