i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
