You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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