I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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