home. puking in laundry basket.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize