It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
