just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize